Vulnerable.

Well, this blog has been neglected, as have many other aspects of life over the past two months. It has been a time of many ups and downs, many joys, and many, many challenges. I can hardly think about all of it without feeling like I might cry, or have a panic attack, or both. SO now I'm going to get a little vulnerable about life...

Margot is growing like crazy and doing new things every day. She is so fun and silly, and at the same time increasingly difficult to watch. It's a joy and a challenge. All the growth and change comes with new skills, new mobility, new curiosity, and little fear or understanding of what's safe or unsafe. Just holding her these days can be like a workout, as she likes to throw herself all over the place. It's adorable and exhausting.

I suppose of I had just one word to describe the last couple months, it would be exhausting. About 10 weeks ago, we found out we were expecting baby number two.  It was very unexpected, but very exciting.  Just a couple weeks later, Kyle got a hernia.  Apparently, it was one he was born with, but had just never given him problems until then, when it gave him a LOT of problems.  About 10 days after that, he had surgery to correct it. It was supposed to be an outpatient procedure, but he did not do well in recovery, and had to be admitted to the hospital. Thankfully, he was released the next day. Since then, it has been a very slow recovery with a lot of ups and downs.  He still is not able to lift Margot, or anything heavier than 10 pounds. He is still sore at the end of almost every day, and there have been a few times when he thought he might have re-aggravated it.  This has thrown a HUGE wrench into our daily lives, and made our schedules, routines, and rhythms completely wacky.

We are grateful for the grace many have extended to us, and ask for continued grace from the many people we've neglected, and those who've made up slack for our shortcomings as we just try to keep our heads above water.  It seems like a battle to just "get through" each day.

In addition to the woes of Kyle's hernia and recovery, we've had a difficult few weeks with our new downstairs neighbor. There have been so many complaints we could share, but to keep it brief, he smokes a lot of pot. And he may not only be smoking it, as there has been a lot of suspicious activity coming from his apartment the last two weeks. That's right, it has only been two weeks, but we have a huge laundry list of things going wrong.  Today, a maintenance man from our building came out to try and seal the duct work to prevent the two apartments from sharing air, but this afternoon, I am smelling it again as if someone were smoking in my own living room. We are praying for wisdom on how to act, and a speedy resolution.

This has brought out a lot of emotion in me. On top of all the hormones, I'm struggling with trusting God in all of this. I have struggled with doubting his will for us for a while, and struggling to be content in this phase of life. We have finally finished school, finally both have jobs, finally have our sweet baby and another on the way. After following the Lord to get to this place, and feeling so sure that it was his will for us to move to St. Louis, go back to school, etc. Now we are severely burdened with student loans, feeling stuck in an apartment that is becoming increasingly unlivable, working long hours, and feeling as if we are missing so much. Missing time with each other. Missing important times with Margot. Missing out on any kind of peace.

A friend of mine was able to put into words what I've been feeling, "It's hard to feel so far behind, when you did something to get ahead." With all of this comes a lot of dashed expectations. I thought life would be easier after school. I thought we wouldn't have to worry over finances, we'd be able to pay our loans off quickly, buy a nice home, save money, take vacations, and not worry every single day about our finances. The reality has been so very different.  I don't know how to recover from this.

We are trying to figure it out one day at time, praying for guidance and peace, and asking that God would renew our vision for what life looks like going forward. If I'm being completely honest, I'm terrified.  I have no idea what is ahead for us. In my very limited perspective, it looks like a giant mess.

We have so much to be thankful for, a happy, healthy marriage, a happy, healthy baby girl, another sweet one coming in June, an amazing church family and actual family who are walking through all of this with us, and a God who knows our struggles and sorrows more deeply than even we do, and who can see what's on the other side.

Thanks for letting me be vulnerable. Thanks for praying with us. I pray the peace of Jesus meets each of us this Christmas season.

Four months.

Margot has been a part of our family for over a year now, since the moment we found out she existed on 4/24/12.  What a blessed year this has been.  This, her fourth month "on the outside," brought a few firsts.

She started giggling every day. This is pretty much the best thing we've ever heard. We are constantly trying to catch it on video because it just gets better and better, but the videos never seem to do it justice! We've both become addicted to that little, squealy laugh, and will make the biggest fools of ourselves and do just about anything to bring it out of her.

She went to her first (and second) Cardinals game. The first happened to fall on the same night as Kyle getting his official full-time job offer at work, so it ended up being one of the most fun, happy nights either of us can remember.  We will never forget it! Margot was super happy, all snuggled up in the Ergo carrier. Even though it was a bit chilly out, we had the PERFECT seats (thanks to the law firm) in the Redbird Club, and we were plenty warm. We even got to invite Josh and Kim to join us, meet up with a few family members who were also at the game, and see Shelby Miller get a W for our Redbirds.

MJ is trying so hard to roll over. She is getting really good at scooting on her back, and she can get over to her side pretty easily.  Most mornings we find her in some cockeyed position in her crib, and laugh at how in the world she got herself there overnight. Watson often likes to bring her his toys (see bone below). Occasionally he even brings her his frisbee or ball, and then sits in front of her waiting for her to throw it.  Some day, buddy.  Some day.

She is also enjoying more sit-up time in her Bumbo seat, strengthening that back and neck a little every day. She definitely shows preference to certain toys and teethers, and she really likes variety.  She is putting everything in her mouth, and getting very good at grabbing what she wants and bringing it to her mouth by herself.  Her favorite thing right now is being outside. She could be screaming at the top of her lungs, but once that fresh air hits her, she is a happy little clam again.  I try to take her on as many walks as I can, usually wearing her in the Ergo. I want to wear and snuggle her as much as I can while I can! It is so neat to see her face light up in wonder as she takes in trees, flowers, buildings, birds, and so much more. I can hardly imagine what it would be like to see green leaves for the first time, but if I had to judge from her face, it must be pretty spectacular.

We've yet to try any rice cereal, and we're thinking about skipping it all together. She is sleeping great and gaining weight, so we're thinking of just waiting until 6 months when we can start her on veggies and fruits. I haven't talked to many other parents about this, but from what I've read there isn't much nutritional value to the rice cereal anyway, right? Is there really a good reason to do it?

Mommy geeked out when she said her first CV syllable (that's consonant-vowel, for you non SLPs.) So far, I've heard /k, g, p, d, m, ng/. While I'm not in any huge hurry for her to get big and crawl or walk, I can't wait for her to talk!

She is such a joy, and we love her so much! We are learning every day how to be the parents she needs, and it is a challenge, but so wonderful.  My friend Megan shared this quote last week that really stuck with me:

"I thought parenting was going to portray my strengths, never realizing that God had ordained it to reveal my weaknesses." 

Boy, is that the truth! It is shaping us as parents, as husband and wife, and as followers of Christ, for the better.  It is exciting to think about what the next month will bring for Margot and us, including the conclusion of law school for Kyle. What a journey this has been! We are feeling the goodness of God as we look back and see how he carried us through every day, and thankful that he equipped us to build this life and love on him, our solid rock, our firm foundation, our only hope.

Happy four months, Margot Jane! We love you so very much.

Oh, hi there.

What a crazy couple months this has been for us! Kyle and I just wrapped up yet another semester of classes. He is now half way through law school, and I am done with my graduate couse work! All I have left is a couple big exams (one in January, one in March), completing my internships next semester (one at an elementary school and one at St. Louis Children's hospital) and I am DONE.   I am amazed at God's grace sustaining us through the last (almost) two years. There were many unknown factors and risks when we followed the Lord's guidance to come here, but he has made our paths straight.


(SLU Speech-Language Pathology, Class of 2012)

I wish we had any other big news to report other than the busy-ness of life. For those who have been inquiring/praying for my stepmom, we still thank you! As of this morning, dad said she's hanging in there, working through the pain. She is done with chemo, done with everything, trying to make the best of whatever is left. She has had to cut back to working part-time, which has been very hard. Diane loves her job and takes so much pride in her work. She's always had a deep commitment to the bank where she is a Senior Vice President. They have shown her incredible kindness and made it clear that her years of hard work would not go unnoticed. We are grateful for that. She will keep working as much and as often as she can.

There is an uncertainty about the whole situation, however, that makes the holidays a bit bleak. My dad and Diane LOVE Christmas and typically go all out. Dad told me this morning they haven't bought a single present because they've been trying to spend every moment together. What could anyone say to that? How do you face the holidays, knowing it's the last with someone you love so dearly? Shrug.


(Thanksgiving 2011)

A number of other health issues popped up over the last couple months in my family, including my stepdad getting an abscess colon which is incredibly dangerous and life-threatening. Our family has been in relatively good health for a long time with no major issues, so I suppose we were just "due."

In the midst of all this, Kyle and I are still trying for a baby, which is gut-wrenching. All the drugs, the books, the blogs, the talking to other couples with infertility - none of it can really predict how you will feel when you go through it and still see negative after negative. Some days I am able to trust in perfect peace, and be content that God's timing is perfect and some day we'll see all of this clearly, other days I am a haze of emotions from bitterness to jealousy to deep sorrow.

I can honestly say, however, that because of all of this (NOT in spite of all of this) I have gained a deeper love for Jesus, and a deeper love for my husband and family. I am continually amazed at God's kindness to me in these hard times, and the way it continues to shape my soul.

I am so often reminded of my sin, how prone I am to jealousy and gossip, to resentment and hopelessness, but he continues to remind me that my hope is not in the things of this world, my hope is in Christ alone.  He surrounds me with people who remind me of this.  He shows me that lasting joy is not found in anything here.  At some point all the people we love will pass away, all the dreams we have about our lives will mean nothing, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
(Psalm 73:26 ESV)


(August Gate's new location)

The next few weeks will be spent relaxing as much as possible, reading books, being crafty, and spending time with friends and family.  Kyle and I have are so happy and so deeply in love with each other.  I say that only out of gratefulness.  So many are torn apart by hard times, but Jesus has pushed our hearts closer together.  We are so excited to be home together (when not working) over the holidays.  We are truly trying to count our blessings instead of sheep.  I hope you all have a very merry Christmas filled with love and peace.

An Update on Diane

Thank you so much to the many, many people who have been praying and encouraging our family since we found out about my stepmom's cancer! It sounds so cliche, but even words from strangers have meant to much to her and my dad throughout this nightmare.

Since I first wrote about it, Diane changed her mind about getting chemo and is now receiving treatment down here in St. Louis at Barnes Jewish Hospital.  They had a little more hope to offer her, not that they could get rid of it, but that they could slow it down.  I honestly think she decided to do it for my dad, and he has been so happy she chose to do so.

Before they started chemo, they also found that she had a tumor in her brain that was inoperable.  They were able to treat it with radiation and as far as we know, they got it all.  Praise the Lord for small victories!

Once the started the chemo, things weren't going too badly until one day Diane started having horrible pain in her abdomen.  She soon found out that she had kidney stones, and this would be the story of her life for the next two months.  After seeing three urologists and having four surgeries to try and remove them, they just keep coming back.  No one really knows what is causing them to develop so rapidly.

Diane has been in almost constant pain and completely miserable.  She said the chemo alone wouldn't be so bad if she could just kick these kidney stones.  After her most recent trip to the hospital this week with one, she said that something has to change.  Finally, the doctor realized that the chemo could be causing them (something we've been asking about this whole time) and they are investigating what they can do differently.


(Photo taken after leaving the hospital from round two of chemo, and after surgery 3 for kidney stones.)

They are mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. Being in almost constant, severe pain is something I can hardly imagine.  Taking care of someone you love and watching them suffer for two months straight is something I can hardly imagine.  My dad and Diane still need so much prayer and so much support.

Once she is healthy enough to get her third round of chemo, we will hopefully be able to find out if it is actually working.  However, if they can't figure out what to do about the kidney stones, there may not be any more chemo.  The girl can't live that way, and we can't blame her.

This morning my dad said they would just like a little time to be "normal." Only God knows what comes next. We still trust, still pray, still wait.

For my mommy friends: 20 tips for early language development.

Hello to all my friends who are parents. Some of you are seasoned parents, and some of you are brand new. Yesterday I went to a great seminar with the fabulous Dr. Celest Roseberry-McKibben and I was inspired to share some things with you about speech and language development for your little ones.  I'll try to post a few of the things I've learned across the lifespan, but I really want to start with how you can help your little baby during the first year of his or her precious little life.

Most of these things are simple and natural. You probably already do them, but maybe you don't even know how important they are and how many people don't do them!

1. Read to your baby. This is something most of you already do, but it's so important! Language development starts on day one and it is never to early to start reading. When you do, point to words, identify title and author, and let baby turn pages.
2. Talk to your baby face-to face. It helps when they can see your mouth and your expression.
3. Label common objects. Yes, even infants can benefit from seeing written words and understanding that words are symbols for things in our lives.
4. Introduce music and singing. Don't be shy! Your baby won't care if you are tone deaf.
5. Let the baby have a safe-glass mirror to look in.
6. Point out and name body parts during dressing, and bathing.
7. Use short utterances with simple grammar.
8. Heighten facial expressions, gestures, and intonation. You may look ridiculous, but studies have shown this "motherese" is really beneficial to development!
9. Play turn-taking games such as patty cake and peek-a-boo.
10. In very early infancy, introduce black and white objects. Newborns need the high contrast of black and white. (Sorry, but all those bright colors you used to decorate the nursery? Yeah, they can't even see them yet.)
11. Imitate the sounds the baby makes, and introduce new sounds to the baby. These could be actual speech sounds or just silly sounds you can make with your mouth. 
12. When your baby makes sounds or babbles, respond to him/her. Baby will begin to see that all this jabbering has a positive effect and helps them achieve something.
13. Make a habit of using greetings and saying goodbye. Say hello/goodbye to anyone and everything. Say goodnight to stuffed Elmo when he goes in the toybox.
14. Provide simple opportunities for baby to put items in and take items out of containers like tupperware. This is great for fine motor skills and teaching concepts like in/out, on/under, in front/behind, up/down.
15. When you do chores or run errands, bring baby and describe what you're going. "We are walking in the grocery store. We are picking out apples and bananas," etc.
16. Expand on what your baby says. If you read a book and baby sees and says, "Bear!" then you might respond, "Yes, I see a brown bear in a tree." Soon, you'll see baby's phrases getting longer!
17. Introduce two languages from birth, if possible. Yeah, that's pretty a big one, but even throwing in some simple words and phrases from another language can help!
18. Remember that the American Pediatric Association recommends NO television before the age of 2. I realize that's pretty strict, but try to keep it to a minimum.
19. Try to give baby as many different experiences as you can. Baby needs as much context and world knowledge as possible so he/she can conceptualize things later.
20. Love and snuggle baby. Never underestimate the power of physical closeness and lots of smooches. A secure attachment to you can literally affect baby's whole life.

Maybe you already knew all of this. Great! Maybe it was a nice refresher or confirmation that you were doing the right things. Great! Maybe you got some new ideas. Great! 

I'm excited about everything I learned yesterday. I hope I can share more soon!

Distracted.

It's 8:54pm on the night before a final exam, and I have just two things on my mind.

1. Pinterest. My obsession never ends.
2. This guy. Oh. My. Word. As someone recently told me, "Man candy!" So gorgeous.

Summer break.

Life got a little busy in the last month, but I'm happy to say that it has settled back down again.  This is my summer vacation.  I have three weeks off before summer classes and clinic resume.  I am already enjoying this wonderful time and making plans for how I want to use my next few weeks.  I even started a list of all the little things I want to do using the "Tasks" function in my Google calendar.  I love that thing!

Anyway, some of my rough plans include:

• Not wearing makeup, even in public.  One of the beauties of living in a big city is that you can be anonymous.  Chances are, I won't see anyone I know, and if I do, they probably won't recognize me, ha!
• Finishing a couple paintings that have been in queue for months now.
• Run, run, run.  My first 5K is right around the corner.  I don't think I'll be able to run the whole thing.  Right now, I can't run two full miles, and I'm supposed to be able run 3.1 in less than a month! BUT, I will try.  I will finish it, even if I have to stop and walk.  My only wish would be that Kyle could run it with me to keep me moving, but he still can't run because of his knee.  
• Cooking.  I miss cooking for my man.  I haven't cooked much at all in the last year beyond throwing something frozen in the oven.  I used to cook all the time.  I miss the satisfaction that comes from feeding my little family.
• Catching up with friends.
• Finishing many little household jobs, like mending a couple shirts for Kyle, cleaning out our office, getting the apartment manager to come fix a couple things, etc.
• Getting a tan.  Well, not much of one, but a just a little sun won't hurt, right?
• Taking pictures. I'm doing some engagement pictures for Kyle's youngest brother, Keith, and his lovely bride-to-be.  I also just want to point my camera at everything because my poor little Canon just hasn't seen much action lately.  My Flickr photostream has been inundated with Instagram pics lately, though, like this one of my mom's dog, Starbuck, and me.  He's my bebe brudder.

I'm sure I'll find many more projects to do along the way.  I've been working on the invitations for my soon-to-be second sister-in-law's bridal shower we're having down in Anna with the Bass family.  I love doing things like that!  

Mixer Winner.

No, I did not give away a mixer like PW always does, but I did choose a winner from amongst the many KitchenAid mixers I've been contemplating.  It only took me four months!  Dad gave me the cash at Christmas to pick the one I wanted.

I finally bit the bullet last week and got one.  It arrived in the mail yesterday.  It was a very, very happy day.

It has a 6qt bowl and several different attachments.  It's a dark gray/ pewter-ish color and I love it.

After I looked and looked at all the bright colors online and some in person, I finally decided to just get something more neutral that would keep me happy for the long run.  I was afraid that I'd be tired of one of those bright ones in just a couple years.  No matter my kitchen decor, this one will be A-okay.

I can't wait to do some mixin'!

Spring Break, Part 2

After we returned to St. Louis, we had the great joy of babysitting this little guy.  His name is Gus.  He's 10 months old.  He was a super easy baby to watch.  I was happy that all the toys and books I've been saving were finally put to good use.

In retrospect, we probably shouldn't have let him feed himself so much, but he was sure cute with ravioli in his ears.  Watson enjoyed the floor cleanup duty.

We had to hose Gus down in the kitchen sink, but he didn't seem to mind.



What a doll!

If you are viewing this post from Facebook, please be aware that I will not be able to see or respond to any comments unless you go to my blog and leave one there.  Please leave one!  I miss you people.  I'll be back on Facebook on April 24th, after Lent is over.  See explanation here. 

Spring Break, Part 1

I spent the first part of my spring break with my family in and around Springfield. I don't know what to say about it, other than that it was awesome, so I'll just show you.

Some things about today.

• Today, I can only think about two things.  The first is getting out of here for spring break.  I have this idea in my head that the semester is downhill after spring break.  I'm probably going to have a rude awakening about that, but at least campus will start to turn green again.

• The second is eating a sundae from The Fountain on Locust with one scoop of mint, one scoop of chocolate, and a generous topping of their signature hot fudge. 
• I became the Foursquare "mayor" of Nadoz Cafe.  I now get a 25% discount as long as I remain the mayor.  This means that my daily, $.65 pretzel roll is now only $.48.  Big spenda! 
• Watson has thrown up twice today, but he doesn't seem to be feeling sick at all.  He's is usual, playful, adorable self. 
• I have nothing due tomorrow.  I can't remember the last time I said that.  Watch out, Thursday night NBC, here I come!
• I discovered today that ModCloth has a BLOG.  There goes all the time I was saving not being on Facebook.  I really like what I've seen and my favorite feature is the "Blogger of the Moment."  I love the style! *sigh*
• Speaking of Facebook... I've been off it for two days, and it's only a little weird.  Surprisingly easy thus far.  I do think, however, it will get more difficult with time as I start to feel out of touch with people.  The last few days, I've made a point to email people as I think of them or see something in my daily browsing that I think they would like.  Also, I replaced the FB bookmark in my browser with a bookmark for the study bible.  I can't tell you how many times I have mindlessly clicked on that spot in the last couple days.  It has been eye-opening. 

 

My mouth is literally watering as I am still thinking about that sundae.  I better get off here and go eat something healthy.  Three hours on campus tomorrow and then Springfield for the weekend.  Can't wait to see my parents and grandparents, and to stick a shamrock in my hair and celebrate St. Patrick's Day with my favorite Irish lady, my grandma!  We LOVE St. Patty's.



If you are viewing this post from Facebook, please be aware that I will not be able to see or respond to any comments unless you go to my blog and leave one there.  Please leave one!  I miss you people.  I'll be back on Facebook on April 24th, after Lent is over.  See explanation here. 

Mardi Gras and Lent

Happy Mardi Gras!  Get all fatty today and celebrate.  I'm not celebrating just because it's Fat Tuesday, but I'm celebrating because I am looking forward to the next 40 days that we call Lent and the coming celebration of Christ's death and resurrection.



What is Lent?  Many people who celebrate it or use it to "give something up," don't really even know why, and many people who don't celebrate it think it's a silly ritual.  When I was very young, I thought it was just about giving up something you like to earn brownie points with God.  As I was going through catechism, my pastor explained that it was about using these 40 days to reflect on what Christ has done for us, laying his life down for our sins so that we can know God eternally.

Many people add in special times of reading, reflection, and prayer leading up to Christmas, when we celebrate the birth of Jesus.  How much more then should we celebrate in the time leading up to Resurrection Day, when Jesus said, "Finished!" When the blood of Christ was accepted as a substitutionary sacrifice, a propitiation, for all our sins for all time.  Hallelujah, He is risen!

As we reflect on the things above and prepare our hearts for Easter, the resurrection day, sometimes we give up things up that might distract us.  Sometimes we give up things we love because so we can be reminded to depend on God as our greatest source of joy on this Earth.  Some people don't give anything up per say, but add in more time reading their Bibles or praying.

A few days ago, I felt that maybe I was supposed to give up Facebook for Lent.  No, God, you surely wouldn't want me to do that, right?  The more I think about it, the more certain I feel that I am supposed to, no matter how tough it will be.  I don't even know if I have the self-discipline to do it, but I will depend on God for that too.

Some people might think I'm ridiculous.  It might be true, but I know I spend way more time on there than any person should.  I really do want this season of Lent to be about more than ritual.  I want to focus on the meaning behind the ritual and I desperately want to draw near to the Lord in prayer and his word.

I'll still be blogging and tweeting.  I haven't gone that crazy, haha.  I hope that you, too, will find time in the next 6 weeks to focus your heart on God's finished work.

How are you celebrating Lent?  How can I pray for you?

A spattering of thoughts and daydreams

I often have the urge to blog about every thought that comes to my mind.  Lucky for blog readers, there's now this thing called Twitter (maybe you've heard of it?), which allows me to spill the contents of my scattered mind, moderately guilt-free.  Still, though, there are some thoughts I pretty much cannot resist sharing.  None of them are significant enough to merit their own post, so this is what you get.  Randomness.

• Every day I bring a snack to class with me and try to wait as long as I can to eat it.  Today I lasted 7 minutes.  That's the record.
• Our church is growing like a beautiful weed rooted in the Gospel.  I love the people of August Gate dearly.  We are continually growing and challenged in our own faith, and I pray that more will be blessed in the same way.  
• I haven't seen a single member of my family since Christmas.  You'd think I lived more than an hour and a half away.  Sadly, school has interfered. 
• I've been averaging 5-6 hours of sleep per night.  This is partly the demands of school, and partly my insomnia, which intensifies with stress.
• Two more of my non-runner classmates jumped on the C25K bandwagon with me.  We're going to have a lot of fun crossing the Susan G. Komen finish line together. 
• I often daydream about what I would do if I could quit school and start a different life.  My choice lately would be to move back home to the family farm.  In my dreams, I start my own organic farming business (with the help of expert growers and livestock raisers, Dad, Grandpa, and Grandma) and also use the farm as a location for my booming photography business.  In my head, this is very successful and I am very happy.  I get to work with my family, live on the prairie, be outdoors, use my hands, get dirty, be creative, and bring new life and purpose to our old, dying farm.  This sounds so good.  Why am I in grad school again? *sigh*

This is the east porch at my dad's house on the farm (Grandma and Grandpa J. live up the hill).  Daddy built me this porch swing before I left for college so I'd always have a peaceful spot to come home to.  Lord willing, it will someday hang on my own front porch.  This is maybe my favorite place to be in the whole world.  It over looks his beautiful, luscious, 2-acre yard, my favorite tree on the planet, and miles of open plains.  It's so quiet.  So peaceful.  I feel really teary and homesick as I write this.  I better stop before I lose it.

C25K

Couch-to-5K is a running program for non-runners and couch potatoes.  I am about as non-runner as it gets.  I'll do any workout video you throw in front of me.  I'll walk the dog for an hour.  I'll even hop on an eliptical for 30 minutes if I must.  Just please, please don't push me outside and make me run.  Please?

It seems that so far this semester, my life has been about doing things I hate to do because they are good for me.  I often fall on my face, but I'm learning how to fail, and how to get back up and try again.  This is just another one of those things.

I've been interested in doing C25K for a long time.  I first heard about it a last year when we were new to St. Louis.  One of our pastors, Noah, was beginning the program and regularly posting his progress.  More recently, my friends Keli and Courtney (both non-runners) have turned into genuine running princesses, which sparked my interest even more.

The way it works is you download the app for your iPod or iPhone, choose the music you want to hear while you run, and then a little guy comes on telling you in intervals when to run and walk.  Today I completed Week 1, Day 1.  I couldn't do all the things the guy kept telling me to do.  Several times I ignored him when he told me to start running again.  It sucked.  Big time.  I never want to do it again, and it was only day ONE.  Running is so not for me... but I'll keep trying, anyway.

When it was over, I mentally felt like this.  A little fuzzy, but strong.

Physically, I felt like Watson.  He, too, was exhausted, dirty, and panting.

I'm not going to make any declarations.  I'm not going to promise that I'll finish this thing.  I can only promise that I'll keep striving toward healthier living, and I'll definitely fail along the way.

p.s.  I haven't quit Weight Watchers.  I haven't counted points for the last couple weeks because I've been so overwhelmed with school.  Hopefully now I'm adjusting to the work a little more, so I'll start seeing those numbers go down again.  Praying for more motivation and self-discipline, which I lack in just about all areas of my life.

Birthday #26

The events leading up to and including the day I turned 26 years old.

• Feb 7, 1:00am: Outburst of tears as we get ready for bed and the dread of the coming school week gets the best of me.  I tell Kyle that I don't know how I'll ever survive this semester.  He comforts me and prays for me right then and there.
• Feb 7, 1:00pm: Major outburst of tears after a horrible therapy session where I fall flat on my face.  My terrible performance as a speech therapist is well-documented and pointed out to me by my clinical supervisor.  Cue sobbing.
• Feb 7, 3:15pm: Have my first laugh at how badly I just failed. It was bad like whoa.
• Feb 7, 3:45pm: Arrive home and begin reading birthday cards in which multiple members of my family write that my hard work will pay off and I will make a great SLP.  Cue another 45 minutes of tears.
• Feb 7, 5:03pm: Kyle offers to do anything I want for dinner.  I pick Cheesecake Factory accompanied by a trip to Macy's to scope out mixers.  Sadly, I wasn't even excited.
• Feb 7, 8:00pm: Return home feeling moderately better, but still rather crummy.
• Feb 7, 11:42pm: Decide that though I've been dreading turning 26, it's really a good thing.  It's one year closer to 27, when I'll graduate, to 28, when Kyle will graduate, and then to my 30s, which I am praying will be much less angst-y than my 20s.
• Feb 7, 11:58pm: Cue Peter Bjorn and John "Nothing to Worry About," and let the solo living room dance party commence.
• Feb 8, approximately 12:15am, end said dance party and go back to homework for another hour. Mentally prepare for the upcoming day of being on campus from 9am to 8pm.  Wince. 
• Feb 8, 7:42am: Robin singing in the tree outside my bedroom window puts tears in my eyes. I haven't heard a bird sing like that in months, and it feels like it is a gift just for me.
• Feb 8, 8:43am: Leave home.  It's cold outside but the sun is shining and the sky is blue.  Feels like it's going to be a good day.
• Feb 8, 11:15am: Walk to the law building to meet Kyle for lunch.  He surprises me with Chick-fil-a.  He walked all the way to the student center (far from the law building) in windy, 10 degree weather to get it for me.  I color worksheets for my afternoon client and get odd looks from law students. 
• Feb 8, 5:07pm: A few classmates sing a slap-happy "Happy Birthday" in the dungeon.
• Feb 8, 5:10pm: Sweet classmate, Megan, delivers to me the most delicious chocolate raspberry tort thingamajig I've ever tasted. 
• Feb 8, 5:19pm: Whole class sings at the insistance of Dr. Fuller.  Blush.
• Feb 8, 6:03pm: Give the wrong answer to a question in class for about the 123rd time. Shrug.
• Feb 8, 8:09pm: Finally arrive home after 11 hours on campus to find that Kyle surprised me with one more gift: a Kate Spade case for my Macbook that I've wanted for a long time.  
• Feb 8, 8:10pm: Find out that even though is says it's for a 13" Macbook, mine doesn't actually fit in it.  Bummed, but not that bummed.
• Feb 8, 9:36pm: Kyle surprises me again and breaks into the living room singing with a Mrs. Fields cookie cake he ordered days ago and picked up today.  He put candles on it and made sure the cookie decorator used a lower-case b in birthday, because he knows that birthday should never be capitalized, and it's an ongoing joke/pet peeve we have. 

• Feb 8, 11:20pm: Finish responding to all 181 Facebook messages, wall posts, tweets, emails, texts, and phone calls.  Feel very loved and blessed that 181 people would take the time to wish me a happy day.  
• Feb 8, 11:38pm: Decide that there's no way I can finish all that needs to be done for tomorrow.  Decide that I'll take a good night's sleep over an A+ on tomorrow's quiz and call it a night.

Thanks be to Jesus, my husband, my family, and my friends who all made this birthday so incredibly special.

All about Ellie

I don't talk about our little kitty much anymore.  While she used to be #1 around here, her low-maintenance ways have sent her into a back seat position around here.  It isn't that we don't still adore her, it's just that she's so good and so easy (especially compared to a certain other animal in our house), we sometimes don't appreciate her like we should.  In fact, some of our friends forget that we even have a cat because we talk about Watson so much.

Here are some things you should know about Eleanor:

She is really pretty and we absolutely love those baby blues.



When we first found our little stray kitten, she was all grey and she fit perfectly on the palm of my hand.  Sometimes I look at her and can't believe it's the same kitty.

She loves to lay in window sills and warm, sunny places.







She spends most of her time either sleeping in a warm place or watching Watson from behind the TV.  Sometimes she also sleeps behind the TV.

She has this weird thing about strawberries. Every time we bring them in the house she tries to rub all over the package.  She doesn't like to eat them, but they make her crazy!





She loves to be as high as possible.  One of her favorite spots is the top mantle in our bedroom.  She sleeps up there and keeps her eye on Watson when he's in his kennel.  I'm still amazed when I see her jump up there.  It's SO high!





She loves to get inside of anything she can.  Boxes, cabinets, bags, you name it.



In general, she's just a really good girl.  Sometimes she starts trouble with her puppy brother, but she also puts him in his place.  We like that about her.