Bitter Bankers

This is a little more harsh than I usually choose to be, but just too funny to pass up!
(Plus, I have absolutely NO time to write a post of my own, but since I am a blogger addict, I feel the need to post something.)

50 Things I learned by being a bank teller:
1. I should know everyone in the world, so I never need to ask for ID, even if I just started this job last week.
2. "I'll be with you in one moment," means "Come right on up here into my business and breathe your popcorn/cigarette/coffee breath in my face for a while."
3. Every bank in the world secretly steals money from its customers, particularly the ones that don't keep a register.
4. I'm always kidding when I tell people a check is not any good. I'm a good kidder.
5. I should automatically know the balance of every account at the bank.
6. I am at the bank just because I feel like it; my window isn't actually open when I say, 'May I help you?'
7. I should know everyone's account number.
8. I should know everyone's address.
9. I don't understand how banking works, but you seem to.
10. I have to do whatever the person who gave my customer the check said.
11. I don't know how to count.
12. I don't know how to add.
13. I don't know what the credit date is.
14. I am supposed read everyone's mind.
15. If I ask for your social security number, I'm trying to steal your identity.
16. I should know when every new coin will be arriving.
17. I should know how much everyone's bills are for the month.
18. The bank is actually a post office.
19. Yes, I should guarantee that $45,000 personal check from China.
20. When I ask how you want your cash back, you are supposed to tell me after you get your money back.
21. Apparently people have different definitions of commercial.
22. Your time is more important than mine. I have no life. When you show up 5 minutes before we close to make 10 deposits or open a new account, we don't mind.
23. Everyone with the Bank name tag is related.
24. I am also your secretary.
25. We love to place holds on your checks for fun, we are the only bank that does it.
26. 13 hours and 10 minutes is not enough time for people to do their business.
27. I am in charge of the never ending popcorn, smarties, and coffee. If we run out, you have the right to get upset.
28. It is polite to ignore me when I say hello.
29. It is my fault when someone cuts you in line. I should have been paying attention to you and not your money.
30. I know what a checkingcashdepositwithdrawal for savings is.
31. Being rude should make me want to help you more.
32. I am not really human, I should not make mistakes.
33. It is okay to go into my office when their door is shut.
34. I have a secret collection of drivers licenses in my drawer that I steal on purpose.
35. I can't hear. I need you to ding the bell 5 times in a row.
36. The sign that says "Next Window Please" is just for decoration.
37. I make people wait on purpose, it's fun to make them mad.
38. I should know everyone's PIN to their ATM cards.
38. Fraud isn't real, I should give customers exactly what they want, no questions asked.
39. Counting your nasty, mangled, disheveled cash is my favorite thing to do.
40. The bank gives out free poinsettias at Christmas, we order them for you, not the bank. "Display only" means whatever you want it to mean.
41. Please and Thank You are forbidden words at the bank. We hate to hear them.
42. Deposit slips and Withdrawal slips are EXACTLY the same, we just like the colors pink and blue and wanted to make them more colorful. Marking through the word Withdrawal changes the deposit slip completely!
43. When I tell someone the same thing over and over, I'm just doing it for fun. I like to waste my breath.
44. We will break the rules for anybody as long as you gripe for more than 10 minutes and/or threaten to close your account.
45. I am a professional coin counter. Even when the machine is broken, I will count the coin for you by hand!
46. I am psychic; when you call I can recognize your voice and pull up your information. My computer is voice activated. It's that fancy technology we have.
47. You don't have to tell me that you've been with the bank for 50 years. I can tell.
48. Even after 5 years, I am a new teller to anyone who has never seen me before. If I've never met you, I have no idea what I'm doing. And yes, this is a training branch.
49. I make the rules for the entire banking industry. You can blame everything on me!
50. I am basically idiot. Feel free to speak to me however you wish. I have no feelings at all.