We're approaching the two-year anniversary of when we officially got the news we had infertility. In some ways, not a lot has changed. We still don't have children. We still desire them. We still love and trust Jesus (now even more than back then).
In some ways, lots of things have changed. We live in a different state. We are both in graduate school. We have been blessed to watch many (and what seems like most) of our friends have beautiful babies. We've even seen some walk through the pain of losing their babies. As I write this, I'm just finding out about my cousins who are losing their sweet newborn baby girl, Tilly Jo. We've seen so much joy, and we've seen the depths of loss and grief. We've lived.
Back in November I started seeing a specialist here in St. Louis, a reproductive endocrinologist, who sees a bajillion women with PCOS (that's Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome for you newbies) and other kinds of infertility and helps them get on the right track. He read my history, and talked to me at length about my symptoms. He was very interested and moderately puzzled. He did not think I was the "classic case" of PCOS as my former doctor thought.
So we did more tests. Lost of blood work. Two of those nasty glucose tests. To my surprise, they said I'm healthy. They said it ISN'T PCOS. Everything came back pretty normal, with the exception of very mild, sub-clinical (meaning - so mild they likely won't even treat it) hyperthyroidism.
The good news? I'm pretty healthy. The bad news? We still have infertility; now it's just unexplained infertility. There is now, apparently, no real explanation for why my cycle is so irregular and why we haven't been able to get pregnant.
So now I don't know what to do. For now it seems we're just floating along, content to rest in the arms of Jesus, knowing that he is sovereign over all these things. I mean that. I really am fairly content (this week, anyway) and it is because I trust God. I don't have any answers, except that I know we will be parents some day, and that I am still praying we will get to have biological children, as well as the adopted children we know God has for us.
It's hard to even ask for more prayer after all this time. I can't even think of it when I look at my sweet cousins and think about little Tilly Jo who is going to be with Jesus soon. Their loss makes my own pain feel trite, but it isn't. God sees all of it. Would you pray for them?