Counting Down and Facing Fears

We are just 48 days from Margot's "due date." Watching this number get smaller and smaller continues to bring out some pretty serious anxiety in me. Everything about our life is about to change forever. We've been through changing seasons of life before, but none so permanent, none so seemingly radical.
I think my biggest fear is how it will affect our marriage. Although we are completely excited to be growing our family, we have been a family of two for so long that it seems crazy to be adding another person. We have been blessed with an unbelievably strong and happy marriage. Kyle is truly my best friend, and I have a very hard time sharing him. Work, law school, and many other things take his time, and I am so jealous of his time. Now I have to share him with another person? This is going to be weird, and hard.
People keep telling me it won't be so hard, after all. They tell me that we'll be so in love with Margot we won't think about it, and that watching Kyle be her daddy will make me more in love with him. Well, I have no doubt about that. I have already witnessed the way he has cared for me and shown so much excitement over her, that it makes me crazy with love for him. I'm just selfishly wondering how I'm going to deal with having less time for just the two of us. Maybe it's because I'm an only child. Maybe it's because 9 years together without kids is too long and I've become really selfish. Maybe I'm just being ridiculous.
One thing I am sure of is that MJ will be so lucky to grow up in a home where her daddy and mommy love each other so much. This is something that many kids (self included) can't really understand. This isn't to say that our marriage is perfect or that we'll be perfect parents, but I have to think that growing up in a household with happy parents who love each other sacrificially and show that love openly would be a pretty great thing. At least, that's my hope.
We so desperately want to show her the love of Jesus in our marriage, in the way we love each other and her, and in the way we serve each other and our community as a family. All the other fears seem insignificant in light of this.
There's no stopping this train, ready or not. We're praying God will miraculously equip us to accomplish his will and purpose for our family, and that there will be no loss of love and joy.


sarah said...

it does take time away from you as a couple, but it isn't horrible. sometimes we end an evening with "i miss you" - but not always, and more with both boys than it was with sam. most of the time we are just doing life together, juggling baths and feedings (again, more with both boys than it was with sam), and we feel pretty accomplished and happy at the end of our days.

that being said, you adjust, and there is a new normal, and it just...works! just be sure to take your date nights and get time for just the two of you - even though it can be hard to leave the baby at first, even just for a little while, you need that time together. :)

~lady j said...

It is YOUR time that will become thin, my dear. :) Enjoy these final days of last minute grocery store trips and quick little jaunts here and there and last minute things that don't require planning! Your schedule will no longer be your own-- but it will be sweet. :) Sarah's right-- there are nights where you'll go to bed realizing you miss your man, even if you've been in the same house all night-- but you adjust, and you fight for quality time in the moments that you do have together-- alone and with Margot! The most amazing thing you can do for your darling girl is love her Daddy and teach her about Jesus-- you will be amazing at both of those things. :) I'm trusting Jesus to infuse you with all the necessary "Mom Superpowers". And when you feel like a hot mess and you want to pull your hair out? Call me-- and know you're in good company. :) Love you girl.