Three months.

Margot is three months old. I just can't believe it.  Now, she seems such a permanent fixture of our lives. It's as if she's always been part of our family, and yet we've only just begun to learn to love her.

She giggles and wiggles. She fusses and pouts. She increasingly demands our attention.  She LOVES to be talked to, played with, and walked around. She knows her mommy. She knows her daddy.

Her two favorites places (other than mommy's arms) are her changing table and her swing. She loves to grab at things, especially if she can twist her little fingers around it, like mommy's hair, OUCH! Haha.

She got to celebrate her first Easter with daddy, mommy, and Grandpa TJ. Her basket was full of colorful eggs, books, teether toys, and a new Bumbo seat. She is not sure what to think of the seat as it requires a bit of a workout to hold herself up. 

All in all, she's pretty spectacular. 

Every week feels so busy and goes so quickly.  We keep feeling like we are just barely keeping our heads above water between our jobs, law school, church life, trying to keep a household running, and getting as much quality time with Margot as we can.  I hope it doesn't always feel this way. I hate that feeling of "just getting by." I hope once law school is out of that equation, things might ease up just a bit. Even if they don't, however, we are completely grateful for the grace God has given us to get through, particularly with my return to work full-time this past month.  It has not been easy, but He has provided us with enough energy, patience, and strength to get through, and given us so much love and joy for each other!

Two months.

Where have the last two months gone? I know that's such a cliché thing to say, but it's so true! This time has flown by. Margot has grown, our hearts have swelled even more with love for her, and our lives are continually changing.

This month brought a lot of firsts, meeting new friends and family, and little outings to fun places. I can't even begin to recount every one, but it has been busy and fun. Everywhere I take her, I feel like I'm showing her off. No matter where we go, she makes people smile and everyone exclaims, "Look at that hair! She's so cute!"

We are really seeing lots of smiles now and hearing her little voice coo every day. Sometimes she gets so smiley, we think we're going to get a giggle out of her, but she's not quite there yet.

We sure are crazy about this precious baby!

One month.

Little miss Margot is one month old today! I want to smile and cry. I can't believe how fast the month has gone. We are so blessed by this pretty little sugar plum.

She had her one month checkup this morning with her pediatrician. (Side bar: I LOVE her pediatrician. Is it weird if I say that I really just want to be friends with her? She's fab.) Margot is growing beautifully and is exactly in the 50th percentile for weight and 75th percentile for height.

She is changing every day it seems! Everywhere we take her, she delights the masses with her bright eyes and head full of downy soft hair. We just can't get enough of her cooing and smiles.

She hasn't shown much interest in any toys or stuffed animals yet, but she does seem to have a favorite song, Harry Belefonte's "Jump in the Line." It was stuck in my head one day when she was fussing, so I tracked down this Youtube video so we could listen to it and dance, and she immediately calmed down. Every time I tried to change the song, she started fussing again, so we listened to it on repeat for a solid 45 minutes. We have danced to it every day since!

Thank you, Jesus, and thank you, MJ, for an amazing first month as a family of three!

37 Hours

Labor was absolutely nothing like what I expected. I'd watched all kinds of documentaries, read books, talked to 100 moms, met with my doula friend, and mentally prepared myself as much as possible, and couldn't have planned for the reality of my own labor.

Some of you are probably curious about Margot's birth, given that when announcing it I used the word "dramatic." It was dramatic to us, anyway. I woke up Sunday morning, 12/30, feeling tons of pain and pressure, enough that we stayed home from church so I could rest and get comfortable.  At 2pm, I started feeling contractions. It started very slowly. They weren't super painful or regular, so we relaxed as much as possible and made it through Fellowship of the Ring and the first half of The Two Towers. At that point we decided to get some rest while we could.

I slept for three hours and then woke up at 1am when the contractions were too strong to ignore. At that point they were just 3 minutes apart and we figured it was time to go to the hospital. We got admitted and I was only 3cm. While that was a bit discouraging, I knew that it could progress quickly, and really thought it would given that the contractions were strong and regular.

I hit a wall at 7cm. At that point, I'd already been laboring for over 24 hours, was hungry and exhausted, and felt I could hardly hold myself up. The hospital staff recommended that they break my water, and that would speed things up. She would be there by dinner time, with plenty of time to recover and watch that NYE ball drop. The ball drop came and went, and I still wasn't fully dilated.

Some time around 1:30 am on 1/1, they said it was time to push. At that point, they had not yet told me that I was running a fever or that Margot was sideways and not turned all the way, or that her heart rate was really high. All I knew was that I was exhausted and didn't know how in the world I was going to muster the strength to get her here, but my husband was whispering in my ear that I could do it, and that was what I needed to hear. So I pushed. And pushed.

After over two hours of pushing, the docs finally came and said that my fever was weakening my contractions, there was infection in my fluid around the baby, that her heart rate was indicating a lot of stress, and that it was time for them to cut her out.  Oddly, after all my plans of natural childbirth, I was relieved and even rejoicing over this. "Let's do it!" Kyle looked terrified, and then told our families who were also terrified.

They prepped me quickly and wheeled me away to the operating room where they gave me some incredible drugs.  "Thank you, Jesus!" I immediately felt relief and more alert than I had been in many, many hours. Kyle was surprised to walk in and find me calmly chatting with the OR staff. He and I chatted and even laughed while they did their jobs.

He stood and watched her come out, cut her umbilical cord, watched them clean her and weigh her, and then brought her to me. When we heard her cry for the first time, it did something to both of us. Something I'll probably never be able to explain. When I kissed her little cheeks and saw that mess of hair, I was so ecstatic that she was finally here, and thankful that we made it.



For the following days, I continued to fight a fever and very low blood pressure. I lost a lot of blood during the surgery and I am still dealing with the fluid loss, swelling, and general peakedness on top of the pain of having major surgery. Each day gets a bit better and I see that I can do a little more.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man,

but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."

The purpose of the Lord for us was to bring home a beautiful, healthy baby girl, and He provided skilled people who helped us get her here as safely as possible, and family and friends who continue to support and take care of us in these early days as a family of three.  His purpose for us was and is grace upon grace, upon grace.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you, family. Thank you, friends. We love you all.

Margot's Room: Little English Lady Meets Little Hipster Baby

I've had a nursery planned out in my head for years. Of course, in all my planning, I was convinced we'd have a boy first, so when Margot turned out to be a Margot, not a ____, I had to adjust a bit.  My plans also did not include that we would still be living in a two-bedroom flat with no yard and the laundry two floors down, but that's life I suppose, and we are grateful for what we've been given.

Anyhow, once I actually came to terms with the idea that we were really having a girl, and that we still needed to use that second bedroom for guests, I started to put together a room that would not only still function and feel comfortable for our guests, but could house a growing, beautiful girl and all of her stuff. (Side bar: how can such tiny people have so much STUFF?!) It's still a work in progress, but I always feel that way about every room in my house.


It had to start with a plan for storage. This can be an issue in any house, but we had some particular challenges due to our closet space, or lack thereof. Kyle's clothes have long occupied the closet in our guest room (or Spare Oom, if you will), and there is just nowhere for them to go from there. We knew we'd need a wardrobe for Margot.


We also knew that we wanted this shelving unit from IKEA, which just so happened to fit like a glove into the space we had available. It's currently a bit "busier" than I'd prefer, but did I mention how much STUFF she already has? I don't know that the shelf will ever make it down the stairs and out of this house if we move, but I couldn't be happier with the storage it provides in the meantime!


The second thing I had to consider was color.  I wanted it to feel bright and cheery, and yet not too babyish. Neutral walls and neutral bedding, with brighter colors layered on top. For Margot's bed, I scoured the internet for crib bedding, but didn't like a thing, so I ended up getting plain white sheets, a vintage white quilt from Etsy, and a breathable bumper. It ended up being super cheap that way! We used an old quilt made by Kyle's grandmother as the "comforter" for the guest bed, and I was so glad that the beautiful flower blanket gifted to me by my mother a couple years ago could finally be on display.


Many of the other pieces of furniture and decor in her room came from yard sales, Craigslist, and Etsy.




One of my favorite items (and probably my mother's LEAST favorite) is her little woodland creature, who came from last year's Strange Folk Festival. He's currently just chillin' in her Boppy. I think he's cute and whimsical. Margot's Grandma Lu had a few other adjectives for him, but we love him just the same!


Kyle made some personal contributions to the room, as well. He is an avid tea drinker, a connoisseur of fine tea, if you will. He's been saving dozens of tea tins for years, in the hopes they could some day be used for a baby. They look pretty cute just randomly stacked on her shelves for now, and I suspect she'll love playing with all of them some day.


Two things I'm pretty sure of for the moment:
1. Her room will probably never look or feel this clean again.
2. As with every other room in my house, it will always feel unfinished.

Unfinished is not the same as incomplete, however, and when she is here I am confident the room will feel complete!