37 Hours

Labor was absolutely nothing like what I expected. I'd watched all kinds of documentaries, read books, talked to 100 moms, met with my doula friend, and mentally prepared myself as much as possible, and couldn't have planned for the reality of my own labor.

Some of you are probably curious about Margot's birth, given that when announcing it I used the word "dramatic." It was dramatic to us, anyway. I woke up Sunday morning, 12/30, feeling tons of pain and pressure, enough that we stayed home from church so I could rest and get comfortable.  At 2pm, I started feeling contractions. It started very slowly. They weren't super painful or regular, so we relaxed as much as possible and made it through Fellowship of the Ring and the first half of The Two Towers. At that point we decided to get some rest while we could.

I slept for three hours and then woke up at 1am when the contractions were too strong to ignore. At that point they were just 3 minutes apart and we figured it was time to go to the hospital. We got admitted and I was only 3cm. While that was a bit discouraging, I knew that it could progress quickly, and really thought it would given that the contractions were strong and regular.

I hit a wall at 7cm. At that point, I'd already been laboring for over 24 hours, was hungry and exhausted, and felt I could hardly hold myself up. The hospital staff recommended that they break my water, and that would speed things up. She would be there by dinner time, with plenty of time to recover and watch that NYE ball drop. The ball drop came and went, and I still wasn't fully dilated.

Some time around 1:30 am on 1/1, they said it was time to push. At that point, they had not yet told me that I was running a fever or that Margot was sideways and not turned all the way, or that her heart rate was really high. All I knew was that I was exhausted and didn't know how in the world I was going to muster the strength to get her here, but my husband was whispering in my ear that I could do it, and that was what I needed to hear. So I pushed. And pushed.

After over two hours of pushing, the docs finally came and said that my fever was weakening my contractions, there was infection in my fluid around the baby, that her heart rate was indicating a lot of stress, and that it was time for them to cut her out.  Oddly, after all my plans of natural childbirth, I was relieved and even rejoicing over this. "Let's do it!" Kyle looked terrified, and then told our families who were also terrified.

They prepped me quickly and wheeled me away to the operating room where they gave me some incredible drugs.  "Thank you, Jesus!" I immediately felt relief and more alert than I had been in many, many hours. Kyle was surprised to walk in and find me calmly chatting with the OR staff. He and I chatted and even laughed while they did their jobs.

He stood and watched her come out, cut her umbilical cord, watched them clean her and weigh her, and then brought her to me. When we heard her cry for the first time, it did something to both of us. Something I'll probably never be able to explain. When I kissed her little cheeks and saw that mess of hair, I was so ecstatic that she was finally here, and thankful that we made it.



For the following days, I continued to fight a fever and very low blood pressure. I lost a lot of blood during the surgery and I am still dealing with the fluid loss, swelling, and general peakedness on top of the pain of having major surgery. Each day gets a bit better and I see that I can do a little more.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man,

but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."

The purpose of the Lord for us was to bring home a beautiful, healthy baby girl, and He provided skilled people who helped us get her here as safely as possible, and family and friends who continue to support and take care of us in these early days as a family of three.  His purpose for us was and is grace upon grace, upon grace.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you, family. Thank you, friends. We love you all.

Margot's Room: Little English Lady Meets Little Hipster Baby

I've had a nursery planned out in my head for years. Of course, in all my planning, I was convinced we'd have a boy first, so when Margot turned out to be a Margot, not a ____, I had to adjust a bit.  My plans also did not include that we would still be living in a two-bedroom flat with no yard and the laundry two floors down, but that's life I suppose, and we are grateful for what we've been given.

Anyhow, once I actually came to terms with the idea that we were really having a girl, and that we still needed to use that second bedroom for guests, I started to put together a room that would not only still function and feel comfortable for our guests, but could house a growing, beautiful girl and all of her stuff. (Side bar: how can such tiny people have so much STUFF?!) It's still a work in progress, but I always feel that way about every room in my house.


It had to start with a plan for storage. This can be an issue in any house, but we had some particular challenges due to our closet space, or lack thereof. Kyle's clothes have long occupied the closet in our guest room (or Spare Oom, if you will), and there is just nowhere for them to go from there. We knew we'd need a wardrobe for Margot.


We also knew that we wanted this shelving unit from IKEA, which just so happened to fit like a glove into the space we had available. It's currently a bit "busier" than I'd prefer, but did I mention how much STUFF she already has? I don't know that the shelf will ever make it down the stairs and out of this house if we move, but I couldn't be happier with the storage it provides in the meantime!


The second thing I had to consider was color.  I wanted it to feel bright and cheery, and yet not too babyish. Neutral walls and neutral bedding, with brighter colors layered on top. For Margot's bed, I scoured the internet for crib bedding, but didn't like a thing, so I ended up getting plain white sheets, a vintage white quilt from Etsy, and a breathable bumper. It ended up being super cheap that way! We used an old quilt made by Kyle's grandmother as the "comforter" for the guest bed, and I was so glad that the beautiful flower blanket gifted to me by my mother a couple years ago could finally be on display.


Many of the other pieces of furniture and decor in her room came from yard sales, Craigslist, and Etsy.




One of my favorite items (and probably my mother's LEAST favorite) is her little woodland creature, who came from last year's Strange Folk Festival. He's currently just chillin' in her Boppy. I think he's cute and whimsical. Margot's Grandma Lu had a few other adjectives for him, but we love him just the same!


Kyle made some personal contributions to the room, as well. He is an avid tea drinker, a connoisseur of fine tea, if you will. He's been saving dozens of tea tins for years, in the hopes they could some day be used for a baby. They look pretty cute just randomly stacked on her shelves for now, and I suspect she'll love playing with all of them some day.


Two things I'm pretty sure of for the moment:
1. Her room will probably never look or feel this clean again.
2. As with every other room in my house, it will always feel unfinished.

Unfinished is not the same as incomplete, however, and when she is here I am confident the room will feel complete!

Cue the Jeopardy music.

As of today, Kyle is officially done with finals! He is 5/6 of the way through law school, and I couldn't be more excited or more proud of him. That is, until he gets that big, fancy Doctor of Jurisprudence in May, and then when he gets sworn in to the state bar next November. Those days will be very proud days. I already have visions of taking some precious family pictures with him in his cap, gown, and hood, and beautiful little Margot in a pretty Spring dress.

In the meantime, our life now looks a lot like this:

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

I've been pretty restless, both mentally and physically. This makes for long, fuzzy days and nights. At work I feel distracted and slow-moving, but I am thankful to still be working and have something to take my mind off of all. the. waiting. At home I feel physically exhausted, and yet so anxious and unable to rest well, wishing I had the energy to get up and really deep clean this whole darn house.  I keep waiting for that last big burst of energy that people keep telling me about. So far, I haven't seen any signs of it.

In these last few days as a family of two, I have some plans for how we'll spend our time. Most of it involves snuggling on the couch and watching movies. It sounds glorious to me!

A Bad Kitty Christmas

Kyle and I have a tradition of buying a new Christmas book every year. In the past, we've purchased classics like Christmas Day in the Morning and The Polar Express, and fun, silly books like Llama Llama Holiday Drama. We never plan what we want to get, we just peruse the Christmas books and get whatever strikes our fancy at the time. This year, we found a book that is not only a great story with a sweet ending, lots of rhymes, and a healthy dose of alliteration, but particularly appropriate for us.

You may have seen an update from me earlier this week that our very ornery kitty, Ellie, knocked down our whole Christmas tree, making a huge mess and snapping the legs off beyond repair. After locking her in our bedroom for a couple hours and shedding a few tears in frustration, we packed up all the ornaments and lights, and decided that it would just be one less thing we'd have to deal with after MJ arrives.

Anyway, fast-forward to today... I went in search of our annual Christmas book, and the very first book I saw on the shelf was A Bad Kitty Christmas. Before even opening, I knew this would be our book.

It's a pretty humorous story at first, detailing all the damage Kitty causes at Christmas time, but then takes a turn for the sentimental as Kitty's family responds to the naughtiness.

I don't think there could be a better-fitting book for us this year, unless of course it had something to say about waiting on the arrival of a new baby. We still love our pretty kitty despite her destructive ways!

A Lost Habit

My blogging has steadily decreased over the last couple years. I attribute this in part to grad school, and in part to other social outlets like Twitter and Instagram, where I can share bits and pieces of life as they happen. Lately, however, I find that I miss the reflection that comes from writing this blog, and the outlet to share pictures and document life's adventures in a more meaningful way.

As we are about to embark on one of life's biggest adventures, parenthood, I find that I really want to re-establish this habit of writing and sharing. I realize that my time is about to get stretched even more, but I also feel it's important to create this journal and scrapbook of sorts on the joys and challenges of our lives, and have a place to look back and see all that God accomplishes in time.

So here's hoping that I can re-establish this discipline, and that it won't be thought of as a chore, but something I can truly enjoy again. To jumpstart this, here's a mini-update on life recently.

We are waiting for Margot. I am feeling huge and increasingly uncomfortable. I woke up last night at 3am thinking I was having my first contraction (it felt just like people described), but then realized it was just gas... I'm sure you wanted to know that.

 Kyle is taking finals. This semester has been very taxing (not that you'll find him complaining), and next semester doesn't look any better, particularly when you factor in a new baby at home. The poor man has pretty much every minute of every day scheduled, which makes for a pretty exhausting regimen. Remember last Spring when I wrote about how insanely busy he is? Well, it's worse now. We are both looking forward to the day when there is even an hour of free time to relax with each other, invest time in others, and enjoy life. One more semester and a summer of Bar prep to go!

That about sums it up for us. I am looking forward to Kyle being on break, which will allow us to do some fun things like go see The Hobbit. Oh, and having a baby. That'll be pretty good, too, I guess.