Cue the Jeopardy music.

As of today, Kyle is officially done with finals! He is 5/6 of the way through law school, and I couldn't be more excited or more proud of him. That is, until he gets that big, fancy Doctor of Jurisprudence in May, and then when he gets sworn in to the state bar next November. Those days will be very proud days. I already have visions of taking some precious family pictures with him in his cap, gown, and hood, and beautiful little Margot in a pretty Spring dress.

In the meantime, our life now looks a lot like this:

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

I've been pretty restless, both mentally and physically. This makes for long, fuzzy days and nights. At work I feel distracted and slow-moving, but I am thankful to still be working and have something to take my mind off of all. the. waiting. At home I feel physically exhausted, and yet so anxious and unable to rest well, wishing I had the energy to get up and really deep clean this whole darn house.  I keep waiting for that last big burst of energy that people keep telling me about. So far, I haven't seen any signs of it.

In these last few days as a family of two, I have some plans for how we'll spend our time. Most of it involves snuggling on the couch and watching movies. It sounds glorious to me!

A Bad Kitty Christmas

Kyle and I have a tradition of buying a new Christmas book every year. In the past, we've purchased classics like Christmas Day in the Morning and The Polar Express, and fun, silly books like Llama Llama Holiday Drama. We never plan what we want to get, we just peruse the Christmas books and get whatever strikes our fancy at the time. This year, we found a book that is not only a great story with a sweet ending, lots of rhymes, and a healthy dose of alliteration, but particularly appropriate for us.

You may have seen an update from me earlier this week that our very ornery kitty, Ellie, knocked down our whole Christmas tree, making a huge mess and snapping the legs off beyond repair. After locking her in our bedroom for a couple hours and shedding a few tears in frustration, we packed up all the ornaments and lights, and decided that it would just be one less thing we'd have to deal with after MJ arrives.

Anyway, fast-forward to today... I went in search of our annual Christmas book, and the very first book I saw on the shelf was A Bad Kitty Christmas. Before even opening, I knew this would be our book.

It's a pretty humorous story at first, detailing all the damage Kitty causes at Christmas time, but then takes a turn for the sentimental as Kitty's family responds to the naughtiness.

I don't think there could be a better-fitting book for us this year, unless of course it had something to say about waiting on the arrival of a new baby. We still love our pretty kitty despite her destructive ways!

A Lost Habit

My blogging has steadily decreased over the last couple years. I attribute this in part to grad school, and in part to other social outlets like Twitter and Instagram, where I can share bits and pieces of life as they happen. Lately, however, I find that I miss the reflection that comes from writing this blog, and the outlet to share pictures and document life's adventures in a more meaningful way.

As we are about to embark on one of life's biggest adventures, parenthood, I find that I really want to re-establish this habit of writing and sharing. I realize that my time is about to get stretched even more, but I also feel it's important to create this journal and scrapbook of sorts on the joys and challenges of our lives, and have a place to look back and see all that God accomplishes in time.

So here's hoping that I can re-establish this discipline, and that it won't be thought of as a chore, but something I can truly enjoy again. To jumpstart this, here's a mini-update on life recently.

We are waiting for Margot. I am feeling huge and increasingly uncomfortable. I woke up last night at 3am thinking I was having my first contraction (it felt just like people described), but then realized it was just gas... I'm sure you wanted to know that.

 Kyle is taking finals. This semester has been very taxing (not that you'll find him complaining), and next semester doesn't look any better, particularly when you factor in a new baby at home. The poor man has pretty much every minute of every day scheduled, which makes for a pretty exhausting regimen. Remember last Spring when I wrote about how insanely busy he is? Well, it's worse now. We are both looking forward to the day when there is even an hour of free time to relax with each other, invest time in others, and enjoy life. One more semester and a summer of Bar prep to go!

That about sums it up for us. I am looking forward to Kyle being on break, which will allow us to do some fun things like go see The Hobbit. Oh, and having a baby. That'll be pretty good, too, I guess.

Hospital Bag

The pregnancy app on my phone has been telling me for two weeks that I should have a hospital bag packed, but I still haven't done it. I keep reading blog posts like this one where people share what they packed, and then I get super anxious about how disorganized I am.

Honestly, I don't get this whole packing-a-hospital-bag-a-month-in-advance thing. First of all, I still need to use all this stuff and I'm not about to buy duplicates of everything just so it can sit in a bag. Second of all, I don't anticipate needing to rush out the door so suddenly that we won't have time to gather these necessities while I am in early labor.  Third, I am annoyed at the idea of a bag just sitting around my house for who knows how long.  I think it will get in the way and just make me more anxious.

Is it really necessary? Tell me why, because I really don't buy it.

Counting Down and Facing Fears

We are just 48 days from Margot's "due date." Watching this number get smaller and smaller continues to bring out some pretty serious anxiety in me. Everything about our life is about to change forever. We've been through changing seasons of life before, but none so permanent, none so seemingly radical.

I think my biggest fear is how it will affect our marriage. Although we are completely excited to be growing our family, we have been a family of two for so long that it seems crazy to be adding another person. We have been blessed with an unbelievably strong and happy marriage. Kyle is truly my best friend, and I have a very hard time sharing him. Work, law school, and many other things take his time, and I am so jealous of his time. Now I have to share him with another person? This is going to be weird, and hard.

People keep telling me it won't be so hard, after all. They tell me that we'll be so in love with Margot we won't think about it, and that watching Kyle be her daddy will make me more in love with him. Well, I have no doubt about that. I have already witnessed the way he has cared for me and shown so much excitement over her, that it makes me crazy with love for him. I'm just selfishly wondering how I'm going to deal with having less time for just the two of us. Maybe it's because I'm an only child. Maybe it's because 9 years together without kids is too long and I've become really selfish. Maybe I'm just being ridiculous.

One thing I am sure of is that MJ will be so lucky to grow up in a home where her daddy and mommy love each other so much. This is something that many kids (self included) can't really understand. This isn't to say that our marriage is perfect or that we'll be perfect parents, but I have to think that growing up in a household with happy parents who love each other sacrificially and show that love openly would be a pretty great thing. At least, that's my hope.

We so desperately want to show her the love of Jesus in our marriage, in the way we love each other and her, and in the way we serve each other and our community as a family. All the other fears seem insignificant in light of this.

There's no stopping this train, ready or not. We're praying God will miraculously equip us to accomplish his will and purpose for our family, and that there will be no loss of love and joy.