There have only been a few times in my life I've gone to bed really upset. I've always had the belief that you shouldn't let the sun go down upon your anger. Unfortunately, last night was one of those nights. I got into a serious argument with someone I really care about. This person and I have had a few problems in our relationship. Last night, I tried to point out and discuss these issues. It did not go so well. Perhaps I was being too judgmental... placing too much blame on the other person. Or perhaps my friend was just tired of hearing me say the same things I've said a million times before.
I'm at a loss right now. I'm waking up this morning feeling physically ill. I don't like to be upset with people, and I don't like people to be upset with me. I thought I was doing the right thing by talking about our problems. Dearest friend, if you are reading this right now, I'm sorry I didn't call you back last night to work this out. Since you didn't call me either, I assume you're not too happy with me right now. I'm not sure how we can fix this, but I do know that we must, and we will. I'm nervous you don't want to be my friend anymore, after all that we've been through. I want you to know that my life is so much better with you in it. You mean a lot to me. I'm sorry for stepping on your toes.
1/25/05
1/20/05
Cold Day, Warm Heart
Well things are considerably better today than yesterday. My parents put money in my checking account so I can buy my books now. YAY! That means I'll be all caught up on reading by Sunday. I've realized that my Mass Communication class (one of the ones where the Prof was saying how challenging it would be) is at least going to be interesting and informative. I'm already learning a lot about how much media shape us.
I had a great time out on the quad today with BASIC. I didn't get to stay long because I had to grab some lunch before work.
It's nice to be inside right now. It's warm and toasty. I had a nice hot bowl of chili for lunch, and I feel refreshed. I feel blessed to have a warm spot to lay my head, sufficient funds to buy the things I need, and an opportunity to receive one of the finest educations this nation offers.
I had a great time out on the quad today with BASIC. I didn't get to stay long because I had to grab some lunch before work.
It's nice to be inside right now. It's warm and toasty. I had a nice hot bowl of chili for lunch, and I feel refreshed. I feel blessed to have a warm spot to lay my head, sufficient funds to buy the things I need, and an opportunity to receive one of the finest educations this nation offers.
1/19/05
Rough Start
Back at school two days and I'm already feeling stressed. I've never had so many professors tell me how difficult their class is going to be. My pocketbook is running low. I'm already behind on reading. I'll be glad to get caught up this weekend. Whew... gotta jet to lunch.
1/15/05
My Prayer for a New Semester
It's my last night at home and I'm feeling pretty restless. I have a lot of mixed feelings about going back to school. The first and greatest feeling of all is that I get to see Kyle again! Some people may think I'm wimpy or mushy, but it's rough not seeing him every day! I also miss my church and BASIC and all my friends. So many of my friends are like family to me.
However, it's been really nice to be home without stress and pressure from classes. I forgot what that felt like. I didn't realize how stressed I was until I didn't have any at all! That's one thing I'm not looking forward too. The stress is bound to come back, it's only a matter of time. However, I do trust that a couple more years of stress and hard work will really pay off in the long run. The Lord is really teaching me to completely depend on Him alone.
I do hope to produce more good fruit this semester. Not just spiritually, but physically. I'd really like to focus in on my school work. I think it will help that my classes all sound really interesting to me. I hope I'm not wrong.
I hope, that as you read this letter, nothing is getting you down. I hope that whatever is in your life is all going positively, and I pray that you are growing and walking with the Lord daily. Have a great semester, everyone!
However, it's been really nice to be home without stress and pressure from classes. I forgot what that felt like. I didn't realize how stressed I was until I didn't have any at all! That's one thing I'm not looking forward too. The stress is bound to come back, it's only a matter of time. However, I do trust that a couple more years of stress and hard work will really pay off in the long run. The Lord is really teaching me to completely depend on Him alone.
I do hope to produce more good fruit this semester. Not just spiritually, but physically. I'd really like to focus in on my school work. I think it will help that my classes all sound really interesting to me. I hope I'm not wrong.
I hope, that as you read this letter, nothing is getting you down. I hope that whatever is in your life is all going positively, and I pray that you are growing and walking with the Lord daily. Have a great semester, everyone!
1/5/05
Jewelry and the Glory of God
It's been a while. Not much has changed around here so I don't have a lot to say tonight... A few things that are on my mind...
Yesterday I started think about how selfish I am, how all of us are... I started thinking about all the possessions I have and how much I love to shop and buy "nice" things. This feeling came over me hat I wanted to get rid of all of it. I look around the room at all the stuff I have. Do you know that I have about a hundred t-shirts? Isn't that crazy? Right now there are children in East Asia with nothing but the clothes on their back, and here I am with about 500 articles of clothing! (That's seriously not an exaggeration, maybe even an understatement.)
I wear a very expensive ring on my finger. That's the standard in this day and age. I think a men are judged by the size of the diamond they give their bride to be. That's not right. What does buying an expensive diamond mean to God? How does that glorify Him? Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to go pawn my ring and give the money to charity. But seriously, what do I need it for? No piece of jewelry can truly make a person happy. It's what that jewelry symbolizes... and wouldn't just a simple, inexpensive band to the same thing?
I feel selfish and humbled. All this stuff I have... I don't even want most of it. I just want to give it to God. Maybe I'll have a garage sale... I'll use the profits towards my mission trip, and then it will really be contributing to the Kingdom.
Yesterday I started think about how selfish I am, how all of us are... I started thinking about all the possessions I have and how much I love to shop and buy "nice" things. This feeling came over me hat I wanted to get rid of all of it. I look around the room at all the stuff I have. Do you know that I have about a hundred t-shirts? Isn't that crazy? Right now there are children in East Asia with nothing but the clothes on their back, and here I am with about 500 articles of clothing! (That's seriously not an exaggeration, maybe even an understatement.)
I wear a very expensive ring on my finger. That's the standard in this day and age. I think a men are judged by the size of the diamond they give their bride to be. That's not right. What does buying an expensive diamond mean to God? How does that glorify Him? Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to go pawn my ring and give the money to charity. But seriously, what do I need it for? No piece of jewelry can truly make a person happy. It's what that jewelry symbolizes... and wouldn't just a simple, inexpensive band to the same thing?
I feel selfish and humbled. All this stuff I have... I don't even want most of it. I just want to give it to God. Maybe I'll have a garage sale... I'll use the profits towards my mission trip, and then it will really be contributing to the Kingdom.
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